What is so wonderful about being here at WordPress is being able to read the thoughts, ideas and brilliance of others around the world. It’s nice to know that others have the same thoughts as you do and that you are not crazy in the way you think or feel.
Today I scrolled though the Freshly Pressed section to read post by others and find some inspiration to write. I came across a post that really spoke to me and afterward I went to the bloggers page to read more of her thoughts….all were spot on. Although I don’t have any of my own children yet, her thoughts on mommy hood are the same as mine. I love her work, check her out here http://mommygolightly.wordpress.com/ .
It made me think about the things that I go though being a 26-year-old single, non-parent. It’s crazy that people can be so insensitive or inconsiderate to another persons decisions, especially those that deal with children.
I made a choice when I was very young that getting a higher eduction was the most important to me. I wasn’t one of those little girls who daydreamed about getting married and having 12 kids running around while I picked up toys and screamed every five seconds. No, I daydreamed about having a degree, being a scientist and wearing a crisp white lab coat. That was my dream, one that I followed all the way till my Junior year in college. Turns out the math side of it kicked my butt, so on to business school it was.
I got my degree in Finance, 3 years later(takes a little longer when you switch majors) and have now started my career as a real estate broker. My last year of college I rekindled with my middle/high school sweetheart. Today, we are still going strong and are serious. For everybody else, it’s time for me to pop out kids now.
To me we already have a child, his 5-year-old daughter. I have a great relationship with her and I love, care for, teach, and help her grow as if she is my own. That’s enough for me. People tell me all the time ‘it’s not like having your own’, ‘it’s different when they are yours’. My question is how? And why does it have to be? The only thing I feel that I missed out on was carrying her in my tummy for nine months and pushing her out my lady parts, which for me, I can deal with out!
The bond that I have with her, I never knew I could have being that she’s not mine biologically. To be honest it scares me, to love a child I didn’t create with such compassion, that’s void of all selfishness; it is so unreal to me at times. To know how I feel, to know how much I love her and for others to just cancel her out because she’s not my ‘biological’ child drives me up the wall.
I still to this day CHOOSE not to have children of my own. I had one person tell me that ‘you should have one now because it’s better to have them when you are young’. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. So now women who are freshly out of school, just starting their careers are supposed to open their legs and have some babies with someone they most likely don’t know if they want around for the rest of their lives, all in the name of getting it done before you get too old?? Well what a load of shit!
I will not, if I can help it with all my might have a child with my current boyfriend (we have been together way too long for me to still be calling him that) until we are married and have been married for a good two years, and if WE are ready to. If I can help it, it will be a PLANNED child. And for the record I will NOT be getting married anytime soon.
That little girl means everything to me, there’s not doubt in my mind or my heart. She is MINE in my eyes. I could give a shit less about how anyone else thinks or feels about it. I am an influence in the type of woman that she will become, she will look to me for answers to questions and help went she needs it. She loves me just as much, I know because she tells me.
If I never have a child of my own, I can be okay with that. I have one that I am learning and growing with. I am experiencing things with her, going through the same things that biological parents do. She’s five, only five! I don’t know if people remember but a lot happens between 5 and 18. I plan on being there for every single bit of it!
Some people get unlucky and can’t have kids but want them. So they may decide to adopt, or marry someone who already has kids. To that person, that child is just as much theirs as the heart that is beating within them. The words ‘well they are not YOURS’ can break a person’s heart rather you know it or not. And sure they may not be but no one wants a constant reminder of something they can’t change.
Be considerate of others decisions in the children department especially, those who may or may not choose to have them. It’s not your life, its theirs. And yes, that is THEIR child.