I have a real problem. There seems to be nothing that I can do about it. No matter what I do or how hard I may try I can’t seem to fix it. I don’t think there is anything that can be done about it. Maybe I can join a support group. You know the ones where everyone sits in a circle and talks about their common issue? Well..
My name is Tiandra and I am a cluts.
And you all join in and say “Hello Tiandra”
I don’t get it. I think I may be born with it because it has been a problem all my life. I randomly hurt myself (this happens less often) but mostly I mess up things. I burn things by mistake or hit someone, spilling dark drinks on a white carpet, breaking things. Luckily I haven’t killed anything by accident yet, like someones pet or something.
Why do I have to always screw up stuff? Within a matter of two days I have ruined a counter top, broke the zipper on my favorite travel bag, my toe that broke a few weeks ago I stubbed again on my chair, hurt my shoulder lifting or laying on it wrong (I’m not sure which one, maybe both), bumped my head on the corner of my wall reaching for girl scout cookies (which probably means I shouldn’t have ate them), and I couldn’t seem to work a walkie talkie correctly to save my life.
I hate that I am so accident prone. I’d like to think that I am graceful, but really who am I trying to kid? Someone needs to just make it go away, that way I wont have to worry about messing something up.
At times trying something new freaks me out for fear that I will ruin it beyond all repair. In those cases I don’t even attempt it. Sometimes a friend will want me to re-size something or fix it with my sewing machine, but I won’t do it if I have to mess with the lining or take something apart that’s complicated to make the repair.
Now I am going to have to explain to my friends in the morning why there is a little burn mark on their counter top. I just hope they don’t get mad at me. But hell I’m mad at myself for being such a fucking cluts. Fuck!